when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
