Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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