I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
