when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's shark week go big or go home
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
