if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
