u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
