Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
