Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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