i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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