He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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