dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
