Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
