my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
