just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
