Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
