Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
