They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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