Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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