who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
