She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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