he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
