i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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