You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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