do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
