I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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