Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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