My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
