Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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