where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
