She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
