Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
