there was a trapeze. enough said
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
