Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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