She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
