it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
