There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
