1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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