yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
