Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
