If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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