ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
being pregnant is like rehab
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
