She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
