im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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