i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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