He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
