Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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