loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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