I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
