I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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