He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
