These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
