Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
